Before You Hire a Sleep Coach: What Parents Should Know About Normal Infant Sleep
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Does Your Baby Really Need to “Sleep Through the Night”?
When my first child was born, Supernanny was enormously popular (circa 2006).
Like so many new mothers, I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to be doing. There were books and experts telling parents when babies should sleep, when they should eat, how routines should work, and how we could supposedly teach our babies better habits.
I tried some of it, too.
I remember reading Jo Frost's Supernanny approach and experimenting with the structured routines and behavioral strategies it taught.
But something about it never felt right to me.
Then I learned that Jo Frost's extensive experience with children came from working professionally as a nanny rather than raising children of her own.
For me, that changed something.
I tossed the book out.
Not because someone has to be a parent to understand child development or have valuable professional expertise. There are wonderful pediatricians, researchers, therapists, lactation professionals, educators, and caregivers who don't have children themselves.
It was because I realized I didn't want to raise my baby according to someone else's formula.
I wanted to understand MY baby.
That experience sent me in another direction. I became increasingly interested in human biology, natural rhythms, infant development, attachment, and gentler approaches to parenting.
Eventually, that path led me to the work of Sarah Ockwell-Smith and The Gentle Sleep Book.
Sarah's philosophy felt very different. Rather than giving parents another rigid manual to follow, her work encourages parents to understand what's developmentally normal, consider the needs of both parent and child, and trust themselves to make informed parenting decisions. Sarah herself describes wanting parents to understand their children and trust their instincts rather than becoming dependent on someone else's routines or manuals.
Her Gentle Sleep Book looks at what we can realistically expect from children's sleep at different developmental stages, frequent waking, sleep environments, cultural differences in sleep, and gentler alternatives to controlled crying and other traditional sleep-training methods.
More than two decades after becoming a mother myself, I think one of the most important questions we can ask about infant sleep is still remarkably simple:
Before you pay someone to teach your baby to sleep, does your baby actually have a sleep problem?
Babies Don't Sleep Like Adults—
and They're Not Supposed To
One of the most helpful things we can do for new parents is reset expectations about what normal infant sleep actually looks like.
Newborns aren't born with mature adult sleep patterns.
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) explains that newborns may sleep around 16–17 hours during a 24-hour period while sleeping for only one or two hours at a time. More regular sleep cycles develop as babies mature.
Think about that.
A newborn can be getting an entirely normal amount of sleep while still waking repeatedly around the clock.
The Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine (ABM) explains that newborns are born without a functional circadian clock. Their biological organization of day and night develops gradually after birth, supported by differences between normal daytime light and activity and quieter nighttime conditions.
In other words:
Your newborn doesn't simply need to be taught that nighttime is for sleeping. Their biology is still developing the ability to organize sleep that way.
Sometimes the baby isn't failing to sleep properly.
Sometimes we're expecting a developmental ability that hasn't fully developed yet.
Young Babies Need to Eat—Including at Night
There is something strangely easy to overlook when talking about infant sleep:
Babies wake because they need to eat.
Newborns are growing extraordinarily quickly.
Their stomachs are small.
They need frequent nutrition.
The Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine describes approximately 8–12 breastfeeding sessions during a 24-hour period as normal for newborns and notes that those feeds don't necessarily occur at regular intervals.
Notice that language:
24 hours.
Not 8–12 feedings between breakfast and bedtime.
The AAP similarly reminds exhausted parents that newborns commonly wake at the end of short sleep cycles and need to eat frequently because of the energy required for growth.
A newborn doesn't know adults have designated certain hours as nighttime.
Their body knows:
I'm hungry.
So they wake.
They signal.
They feed.
They return to sleep.
That isn't necessarily a sleep problem.
Sometimes nighttime waking is simply feeding.
Night Feeding Has Another Job When You're Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding adds another layer because feeding involves two interconnected biological systems.
Milk production operates substantially through supply and demand.
Baby removes milk.
The breasts receive the message to continue producing milk.
Baby feeds again.
The system adapts.
That relationship doesn't turn off at bedtime.
The Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine cautions that reducing nighttime feeding in young infants can interfere with breastfeeding success and notes an association between infants sleeping through the night and lower rates of breastfeeding.
That's important when a breastfeeding parent is told:
“Your baby is old enough that they shouldn't need to nurse at night anymore.”
Maybe.
But that isn't something I would want decided by a generic sleep chart.
Age matters.
Growth matters.
Milk transfer matters.
Milk supply matters.
The baby's health matters.
The breastfeeding relationship matters.
And the family's goals matter.
Night weaning isn't simply a sleep intervention. It's also a feeding intervention.
What Should Sleep Look Like During the First Year?
This is where parents are often given milestones that quickly become deadlines:
By three months...
By four months...
By six months...
Your baby should...
But development doesn't work according to a universal schedule.
The following is better understood as a general developmental timeline—not a deadline for your individual baby.
Birth to About 3 Months: Sleep Around the Clock
Newborn sleep is fragmented.
The AAP reports that newborns commonly sleep around 16–17 hours during a 24-hour period, but they may sleep for only one or two hours at a time.
Their circadian system is immature, feeding is frequent, and day and night are still becoming biologically organized.
This stage isn't primarily about teaching baby to sleep.
It's about:
feeding, growing, regulating, connecting, and developing.
Around 3–4 Months: Sleep Begins to Change
Around this period, something important happens.
Sleep becomes more organized.
The AAP notes that babies don't initially have regular sleep cycles and describes more regular sleep cycles emerging at around four months, although individual babies vary.
This is one reason parents often talk about the “four-month sleep regression.”
Baby who previously slept beautifully may suddenly wake more often.
But I don't particularly love the implication that baby has regressed.
Their sleep system is actually maturing.
They aren't necessarily becoming worse at sleeping.
Their sleep is changing.
And change can temporarily mean more waking.
Should a 5-Month-Old Sleep Through the Night?
Not necessarily.
This is an expectation I particularly want parents to release.
Some five-month-olds naturally sleep long stretches.
Wonderful.
Others wake once.
Others wake several times.
Some still feed during the night.
A five-month-old waking at night does not, by itself, indicate a sleep problem.
The AAP specifically notes that it can still be normal for a six-month-old to wake during the night.
So we need to distinguish between two very different questions:
Can some five-month-olds sleep six, eight, or more hours?
Absolutely.
Should every five-month-old be expected to?
No.
Developmental milestones describe things babies may begin doing.
They shouldn't automatically become deadlines for what every baby must do.
What About Sleep Regressions?
Imagine your five-month-old suddenly sleeps seven hours straight.
Then they do it again.
And again.
For an entire week you think:
We've made it! Baby sleeps through the night!
Then the following week they're waking every three hours again.
What happened?
Parents often call this a sleep regression.
The term can be useful shorthand, but it's important to understand that sleep regression isn't a medical diagnosis and babies don't necessarily experience predictable regressions according to a calendar at exactly 4 months, 6 months, 8 months, 10 months, and so on.
What is true is that infant sleep changes throughout development.
Babies are learning to roll.
Sit.
Crawl.
Stand.
Babbling and communicating.
Becoming increasingly aware of the people around them.
Developing separation awareness.
Teething.
Growing.
Getting sick and recovering.
Changing feeding patterns.
Taking fewer naps.
Experiencing an astonishing amount of neurological development.
Sleep isn't isolated from the rest of development.
One Good Week Doesn't Establish a New Sleep Requirement
This distinction is incredibly important.
If your five-month-old slept six to eight hours at a stretch for a week, that tells us:
Your baby was capable of sleeping that stretch during that particular period.
It doesn't necessarily tell us:
Your baby now physiologically needs to sleep six to eight uninterrupted hours every night.
Those are different conclusions.
Parents can become distressed when a longer stretch disappears.
They used to sleep through the night.
What did I do wrong?
Did I create a bad habit?
Is my milk not enough anymore?
Do I need to sleep train?
Maybe none of those things is true.
Your baby's sleep changed.
That's what infant sleep does.
The AAP emphasizes both that sleep cycles mature during infancy and that different babies have different sleep needs.
I would be very careful about turning your baby's best-ever stretch of sleep into their new minimum requirement.
Think about adults.
You sleep beautifully for eight uninterrupted hours Tuesday night.
Wednesday you're awake at 3:00 a.m.
Nobody says:
“But you've already demonstrated that you're capable of sleeping eight hours. We need to retrain you.”
Sleep responds to what's happening in our bodies and our lives.
Babies are no different—and their bodies and brains are changing much more rapidly than ours.
Around 6 Months: Longer Stretches May Become More Common
By six months, sleep is considerably more organized than during the newborn period.
Some babies are sleeping substantial stretches overnight.
Some aren't.
The AAP specifically states that nighttime waking can still be normal at six months.
There is also a subtle difference between:
waking
and
signaling to a parent after waking.
Like adults, babies experience transitions between sleep cycles. As they mature, some begin moving between those cycles without fully signaling.
This distinction becomes particularly interesting when we look at sleep-training research.
The Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine notes that some studies relying on objective measures haven't shown the same improvement in infant sleep that parents report after behavioral sleep interventions. In other words, some interventions may affect signaling after waking more than waking itself.
That's an important distinction.
Baby stopped waking and baby stopped calling for us when they woke don't necessarily mean the same thing.
6–12 Months: Sleep Is Still Developing
Sleep doesn't develop in a straight line.
A baby who sleeps long stretches at six months may start waking again at eight months.
A baby who wakes frequently at seven months may suddenly begin sleeping much longer at nine months.
Then teething happens.
Or illness.
Or travel.
Or separation anxiety.
Or a developmental leap.
Or a new motor skill.
And everything changes again.
By the end of the first year, many babies are capable of substantial nighttime stretches.
That still doesn't mean every baby sleeps uninterrupted every night.
The first birthday isn't a deadline after which nighttime waking becomes abnormal.
A Better Way to Think About First-Year Sleep
Instead of:
3 months: should sleep longer
4 months: should self-soothe
5 months: should sleep through the night
6 months: shouldn't need nighttime feeding
12 months: definitely shouldn't wake
I prefer:
Birth → sleep is fragmented and feeding is frequent.
First months → circadian rhythms gradually emerge.
Around 3–4 months → sleep architecture becomes more organized.
Around 4–6 months → some babies naturally begin having longer nighttime stretches, while nighttime waking and feeding can still be normal.
Around 6–12 months → sleep continues maturing, while waking may come and go alongside feeding, teething, illness, separation, growth, and neurological development.
Throughout the first year → there is tremendous normal variation.
Longer sleep is something many babies gradually develop.
It isn't a developmental test they pass on a particular birthday.
Feeding to Sleep Isn't Automatically a “Bad Habit”
Another phrase parents hear constantly is:
“Your baby has a sleep association.”
Maybe your baby nurses to sleep.
Maybe they fall asleep while being rocked.
Maybe they settle against your chest.
Maybe they wake, nurse for ten minutes, and peacefully drift back to sleep.
In behavioral terms, these things can be called sleep associations.
But let's look at what we're actually describing.
Baby is warm.
Baby is being held.
Baby is sucking.
Their belly is filling.
They can hear and smell their parent.
Their nervous system settles.
And...
they fall asleep.
Is that really surprising?
Holding, rocking, nursing, singing, and comforting aren't mistakes parents accidentally make while trying to produce an independent sleeper.
They're ways humans care for babies.
So What Does a Baby Sleep Coach Actually Do?
This is where parents need to ask questions because “sleep coach,” “sleep consultant,” and “sleep specialist” can mean very different things.
A licensed pediatric sleep physician or other qualified medical professional who specializes in sleep is different from someone marketing infant sleep-consulting services.
And sleep coaching itself isn't one single method.
One sleep consultant may essentially provide parent education.
They may help you understand realistic sleep expectations, naps, bedtime routines, sleep environment, circadian rhythms, stimulation, and ways to make nights easier for everyone.
That may be genuinely helpful.
Another may provide a prescriptive behavioral program:
Feed at these times.
Nap at these times.
Put baby down at this time.
Baby must fall asleep independently.
Don't nurse to sleep.
Eliminate this nighttime feed.
Wait this long before responding.
Increase that interval tomorrow.
Those are very different services.
Sleep Support and Sleep Training Aren't Necessarily the Same Thing
There are also different types of behavioral sleep interventions.
One is graduated extinction, where caregivers progressively delay responding.
Another is bedtime fading, which adjusts bedtime to more closely match when a child naturally falls asleep.
And then there are approaches commonly described as “cry it out,” usually referring to extinction-based methods in which caregiver responses to crying are substantially limited after bedtime.
These aren't interchangeable.
Research is nuanced, too.
A 2016 randomized controlled trial published in Pediatrics compared graduated extinction, bedtime fading, and sleep education in 43 infants ages 6–16 months.
Both behavioral interventions produced improvements in several measured sleep outcomes, and researchers did not find significant differences in attachment or emotional and behavioral outcomes at the 12-month follow-up.
That's useful evidence.
But notice something important:
The study involved 43 babies, and the babies were 6–16 months old.
It does not establish that every sleep-training method is harmful.
It also doesn't establish that a five-month-old waking to breastfeed needs sleep training.
Those are completely different questions.
The Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine takes a more cautious position. Its 2023 clinical protocol recommends against sleep training during approximately the first six months and does not recommend it during the first year, instead discussing responsive, cue-based approaches to infant sleep.
Parents deserve to know that professional recommendations and interpretations of the evidence aren't completely uniform.
Education or Behavior Modification?
If I were considering hiring someone to help with my baby's sleep, this would be one of my first questions:
Are you helping me understand my baby's sleep—or are you training my baby to behave differently at night?
A developmentally responsive professional might first ask:
How old is baby?
Was baby premature?
How is feeding going?
Is baby growing appropriately?
Is baby breastfed, formula-fed, or combination-fed?
How often is baby waking?
What happens when baby wakes?
Does baby seem uncomfortable?
What are naps like?
What developmental changes are happening right now?
And perhaps most importantly:
What is actually difficult for this family?
Maybe parents don't need their baby to sleep twelve hours.
Maybe bedtime has become chaotic.
Maybe baby is getting too much stimulation late in the evening.
Maybe parents have unrealistic expectations because someone told them a five-month-old “should” sleep through the night.
Maybe Mom needs more opportunities to rest.
Maybe feeding needs evaluation.
Maybe there is a medical concern worth investigating.
Or perhaps an older infant truly is experiencing a persistent sleep difficulty and the family wants to explore behavioral strategies.
That's very different from beginning with:
“At five months your baby should sleep through the night. Here's how we're going to make that happen.”
Questions to Ask Before Hiring a Baby Sleep Coach
Before hiring someone, I would want to know:
What do you consider normal waking for my baby's age?
What does “sleeping through the night” mean in your program?
How do you approach normal changes or so-called sleep regressions?
Are your goals individualized to my baby or primarily based on age?
Do you use extinction, graduated extinction, controlled crying, or another behavioral method?
When my baby cries, when am I encouraged to respond?
Will you recommend eliminating nighttime feeds?
What qualifications do you have in infant feeding and lactation?
How do you screen for feeding difficulties, breathing problems, reflux, illness, pain, or other reasons a baby may wake?
What happens if I don't want my baby to fall asleep independently?
And perhaps my favorite:
“I'm comfortable responding to my baby and feeding at night. I just need help making our nights easier. Can you help me with that?”
Listen carefully to the answer.
Be Especially Careful When Sleep Advice Becomes Feeding Advice
If a sleep consultant tells you to:
eliminate nighttime feeds,
stretch feeding intervals,
stop responding to hunger cues,
or
change breastfeeding in order to produce longer sleep,
they are no longer giving you advice only about sleep.
They are giving you infant-feeding advice.
The Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine specifically cautions against reducing nighttime feeding in young breastfeeding infants and notes that sleep-training practices involving separation and fewer nighttime feeds may affect breastfeeding success.
Before intentionally changing a young baby's feeding pattern for the purpose of improving sleep, I would involve the baby's pediatric healthcare provider and, when breastfeeding is involved, an appropriately qualified lactation professional.
Maybe We're Trying to Fix the Wrong Person
Imagine a mother saying:
“I'm exhausted. My baby wakes every two or three hours.”
Our culture frequently responds:
“How can we make the baby stop waking?”
But what if we asked:
“How can we help this mother get more rest while her baby continues being a baby?”
Suddenly, our solutions look completely different.
Someone makes breakfast.
Someone washes the dishes.
Someone handles laundry.
Someone walks the dog.
Someone takes an older child outside.
Someone keeps Mom's water filled.
Someone puts food beside her while she's nursing.
Someone holds baby after a feed while she showers.
Someone protects an afternoon nap.
Someone prepares dinner and cleans the kitchen afterward.
This isn't merely my philosophy of postpartum care.
The Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine specifically recommends helping mothers obtain assistance with household tasks so they can focus on breastfeeding and caring for their infants.
Sometimes the answer to maternal exhaustion isn't asking the baby to need less mothering.
It's asking why the mother is expected to do everything else, too.
Supporting Sleep Without Necessarily Outsourcing the Night
There may absolutely be families for whom overnight care is helpful and appropriate.
But postpartum support doesn't automatically have to mean handing baby over at bedtime and getting them back in the morning.
Especially when breastfeeding, we can build support around the biological relationship that already exists.
A partner can bring baby to Mom.
Someone else can handle what needs doing around the feed.
During the day, a postpartum doula can make food, clean the kitchen, fold laundry, care for an older sibling, hold baby while Mom naps, and take care of the dozens of things that otherwise consume the hours when she could be recovering.
What if we protected the mother's opportunities for rest instead of making elimination of the baby's waking the only goal?
That's a very different model of postpartum support.
Safe Sleep Still Matters
Responsive nighttime parenting doesn't mean ignoring safe-sleep recommendations.
Parents should follow current safe-sleep guidance for their baby's individual circumstances.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends placing babies on their backs on a firm, flat infant sleep surface without pillows, loose bedding, or other soft objects. The AAP recommends room sharing without bed sharing for at least the first six months.
There are differences between professional organizations around bedsharing. The Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine discusses harm-reduction strategies and physiological considerations surrounding proximate sleep and bedsharing, whereas the AAP recommends a separate infant sleep surface.
Parents deserve to know that distinction rather than having the disagreement hidden from them.
One recommendation is particularly important for exhausted parents: falling asleep with a baby on a sofa or armchair is especially dangerous.
Safe sleep and responsive parenting are not opposites.
You can create a safe sleep environment while also feeding, comforting, holding, and responding to your baby.
When Should Night Waking Be Investigated?
None of this means every sleep difficulty should simply be dismissed as normal.
Sometimes waking tells us something.
Talk with your baby's healthcare provider if sleep is accompanied by concerns such as:
poor growth or feeding, difficulty breathing, unusual snoring or respiratory symptoms, apparent pain, significant reflux symptoms, unusual lethargy, or a major change from your baby's normal behavior.
If breastfeeding is difficult or you're concerned about milk transfer or supply, an IBCLC or other appropriately qualified lactation professional can also be an important resource.
There is an enormous difference between:
“My five-month-old wakes twice a night to nurse.”
and:
“My five-month-old wakes constantly, seems uncomfortable, isn't feeding well, and isn't gaining appropriately.”
The first may simply describe an infant.
The second deserves investigation.
That's another reason I hesitate to make a sleep coach the first stop.
Before treating waking as a behavior that needs changing, make sure there isn't a feeding, medical, environmental, or developmental need worth understanding.
A Book I Recommend: The Gentle Sleep Book
If you're struggling with infant sleep—or simply wondering whether what your baby is doing is normal—I highly recommend Sarah Ockwell-Smith's The Gentle Sleep Book.
Sarah is a mother of four who studied psychology and worked in pharmaceutical research and development before retraining after becoming a mother, including work as a birth and postnatal doula.
What I appreciate most isn't simply that her approach is “gentle.”
It's that she encourages parents to understand before intervening.
The Gentle Sleep Book explores realistic sleep expectations at different developmental stages, frequent waking, sleep environment, bedtime routines, cultural differences, and ways of addressing sleep without relying on controlled crying.
That's the philosophy that resonated with me all those years ago when I began questioning rigid parenting schedules.
It isn't about doing nothing.
And it isn't about telling exhausted parents to simply endure.
It's about working with development instead of fighting it.
Your Baby Will Grow
Your newborn won't always wake like a newborn.
Your baby won't always feed like a baby.
Their stomach will grow.
Their circadian rhythm will mature.
Their nervous system will develop.
Their feeding patterns will change.
Their sleep will change.
They will eventually need you differently.
We don't have to rush them there.
Parents deserve sleep.
Parents deserve support.
Parents deserve accurate information about infant development.
And babies deserve care that recognizes where they actually are developmentally rather than where an adult schedule says they should be.
So if you're exhausted because your baby wakes at night, please don't hear me saying:
“Just deal with it.”
I'm saying almost the opposite.
You deserve more support.
Maybe the question isn't:
“How do we make this baby need less?”
Maybe it's:
“How do we make sure the person meeting all of these needs isn't doing it alone?”
Sources & Further Reading
American Academy of Pediatrics / HealthyChildren.org. Getting Your Baby to Sleep. Newborns commonly sleep 16–17 hours over 24 hours in short stretches, with more regular sleep cycles developing during infancy.
American Academy of Pediatrics / HealthyChildren.org. Sleep. Discusses normal infant sleep development and notes that nighttime waking can still be normal at six months.
American Academy of Pediatrics / HealthyChildren.org. Safe Sleep Tips for Sleep-Deprived Parents. Discusses frequent newborn waking and feeding as well as strategies for making nighttime care easier.
Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine. Clinical Protocol #37: Physiological Infant Care—Managing Nighttime Breastfeeding in Young Infants. Breastfeeding Medicine, 2023. Discusses normal infant sleep and feeding physiology, circadian development, nighttime breastfeeding, sleep training, responsive care, and support for breastfeeding families.
Gradisar M, et al. Behavioral Interventions for Infant Sleep Problems: A Randomized Controlled Trial. Pediatrics. 2016;137(6):e20151486. Studied graduated extinction and bedtime fading in 43 infants ages 6–16 months.
Ockwell-Smith S. The Gentle Sleep Book. A parent-focused resource covering realistic developmental expectations, frequent waking, sleep environments, cultural differences, and gentle approaches to childhood sleep.
Educational Disclaimer
This article is for educational purposes and is not medical advice. Infant sleep and feeding needs vary according to age, gestational age, health, growth, development, and feeding method.
Premature infants, babies who have not regained birth weight, babies experiencing feeding or growth difficulties, and infants with medical conditions may have different nighttime feeding and sleep needs. Talk with your baby's healthcare provider before intentionally eliminating nighttime feeds or if you have concerns about your baby's sleep, breathing, feeding, growth, or development. For breastfeeding concerns, consider working with an IBCLC or other appropriately qualified lactation professional.
Affiliate Note: I only recommend books and resources I genuinely value and would recommend regardless. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases made through affiliate links, at no additional cost to you.
